I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
