You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
