I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
