there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
