Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
