I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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