I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sext me about skeletons
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
