Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
