I must be too annoying 4 u.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
