Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
