dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
