I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
