Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
