You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
