im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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