i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
