My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
