Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
