My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
