Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize