New low: just hacked my moms facebook
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
