the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
