I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
