It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
