I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
