do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
