i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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