she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
And the cops told us we were all naked.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
