Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
