Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
