I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
