at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Everyone says I win the strip club
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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