Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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