Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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