So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
