I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
