So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just pee around me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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