Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
