can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
