i was born a porn star she said
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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