i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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