If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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