My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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