Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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