Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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