I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
