the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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