yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
