Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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