and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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