You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
