My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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