I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize