i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
