I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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