dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize