6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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