I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
