Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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