Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize