trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
