I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize