You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
