you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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