It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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