Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You were trust falling into bushes
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
