i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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