If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
