she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
