what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
