i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
