This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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