i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
