My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
