Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
