I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
