all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
