Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
