If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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