Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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