well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
