last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
